One of the symptoms I found most difficult to manage with my Major Depression was how small and worthless my existence felt. In this huge world, I felt as though my life was merely a product of luck and circumstance, and I felt a chronic sense of emptiness. Even further into Depression, that emptiness becomes a sort of "nothingness" if you will; As though there really is no meaning to your existence. You don't know who you are, why you're here, what you want, what you enjoy... And you watch the days pass by in some sea of grey where nothing has real meaning. No color.
A very significant shift in my 'recovery' happened whilst reading a novel I'd picked up entitled 'The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari' by Robin Sharma. I'd originally chosen this novel as I was curious to learn some of the Buddhist teachings which embody peace and self-awareness; two things I most definitely did not have, but wanted.
Chapters 11 and 12 in particular were ones that really struck me, and ultimately changed the course of my life. Perhaps the best summary of the lessons Sharma conveys is;
"To dramatically improve the quality of your life, you must cultivate a new perspective of why you are here on Earth. You must realize that, just as you entered the world with nothing, you are destined to leave with nothing. This being the case, there can only be one real reason for your being here... To give yourself to others and to contribute in a meaningful way."
Sharma goes on to write;
"It is all about losing your self-consciousness and starting to focus on a higher purpose."
And with that, he had touched my soul in such a powerful way. Instead of looking at my life as merely a being, subject to the hands of luck or fate, I saw myself as a person who had the power and the ability to contribute to a greater purpose; Something much, much bigger than myself. It wasn't a sense of devotion to any Religion, or any God, but rather the sense of knowing that there is something more in this world than you or I. I finally understood that my existence was more than just me. I was an important piece of this puzzle in life, and I felt an odd sense of relief.
I dared myself to really reflect on what Sharma had written in these two chapters. I dared myself to search the most honest and selfless depths of my soul, and I knew my purpose. It did not only encompass my passion, but gathered all of the pain and struggles I've lived and made them into something more; Something I had the power to make beautiful.
It was such a surreal and godly experience, and one that I remember quite vividly. The moment I truly understood, everything sort of clicked into place; My thoughts shifted, and what I now knew felt right.
Now able to think outside myself and my Depression and anxiety, I saw an entire new world of possibility in which I could serve my purpose, and it gave me the strength I needed to keep going, and to keep fighting.
There is so much I wish to convey in this blog post, however I know the only way in which to truly understand is to know for yourself that you, too, serve a greater purpose. If you look within yourself, at the most honest and selfless parts of your soul, you have the power to see.
I leave you with this one last excerpt from which Sharma writes;
"Be brave, and set no limits on the workings of your imagination. Never be a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of your future. You will never be the same."
